Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Episode 28: Let us entertain you.

Dear Readers,
We would like to take this opportunity to answer some of the more frequent questions that
we have received. We hope these answers will be helpful to you all.

Dear Blog Ladies,
I am looking for a birthday present for my mom. I was wondering if you might have something
for sale that she would like. If you could suggest something I would really appreciate it. She likes all shades of purple and is very modest and dabbles in hedge-witchery. Thank you so much.
Musing About Mother.

Dear Musing,
After careful consideration and a thorough perusal of our stock, we have come across this piece of gold that simply screams hedge-witch.

Also, if your mother has a potion to relieve bacne please kick it on down to us. ... also its not for us ... its for GLITTERSNAKE... he's self-conscious about his texture.

Dear Spring Sale Beauties,
I am frequently suffering from terrible flesh wounds while in hand to hand combat. This would be rather fine, but I don't want to aggravate my cauliflower ear. Please advise.
Honorably Yours,
Knight of Ni

Dear Ni,
We have the perfect item for you. It is excellent for concealing oneself in shrubbery and looks menacing to boot. It will certainly protect you ear, but not necessarially your hearing. It produces quite a clang when hit with a blunt object.
Enjoy your rampaging. Give us a call sometime.

Dear Glorious Goddesses of the Bountiful Cornucopia that is the Spring Sale.
I am producing a dinner theater version of Ivanhoe. My lead actress has a clumsy streak, and it would be most unfortunate to ruin the soup course if she were to take a spill. Do you have any rays of wisdom?
Worried for Rowena

Dear Worried,
Sorry to hear about your actress. That's just unfortunate. GLITTERSNAKE is also clumsy. We have fashioned him a stylish yet protective piece of headgear. Check it out:

For your actress, we suggest you do the same. We have found such an item that is both demure (see how cute it is) and protective (reinforced stainless steel)
You can also serve the soup in it, should things go awry.

We hope this has been helpful to all of you. If so, we hope you will answer a question of ours.
Are you not entertained?!!?!?!?!?!?!!!!

Yard Sale Goddesses Out

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